This is how you lose her.
You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.
You must remember when she forgets.
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.
She remembers when you forget.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.
You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her.”
- Kiss like you mean it.
- Remember their birthday, every year.
- Make them feel special, even on a monday night with a forecast of rain.
- Befriend their Mom, she will tell you stories that no one else can.
- Order each other food at restaurants, just to try something new.
- Shower together, you may learn to love your body, by seeing the desire and passion in your partners eyes.
- Leave notes when you go out for the day, it will make you feel safe.
- Watch the Breakfast Club, and pump up your fist in the end, even if it only happens once.
- Care for each other when sick, soup is the easiest thing to make.
- Make chocolate covered strawberries in summer simply because you can.
- Go fishing with their Dad, and listen to what he has to say, even if he may have trouble saying it.
- Give each other little presents, even if its just a rose on friday the 13th.
- Get angry, but forgive.
- Love, love with all you’ve got.
This is a reminder for you. You are loved. You are special. It is okay to cry and scream. It is okay to be home from school if you feel anxious or need to be alone and cry all day or if you just got three hours of sleep. You are strong even if you relapsed in your recovery. You are worthy even if all you did today was just lying in bed and watch netflix. You are a great person even if you have said or done some stupid things. You deserve the feeling of loving yourself.
“ …I was calm on the outside but thinking all the time. ”
“ When something bothered me, I didn’t talk with anyone about it. I thought it over all by myself, came to a conclusion, and took action alone. Not that I really felt lonely. I thought that’s just the way things are. Human beings, in the final analysis, have to survive on their own. ”
Things that say a lot about people:
- the way which they treat the waiter/waitress
- how they feel about the weather
- whether they dog ear pages or highlight in books
- and hands in general
- their preferred creative outlet
- how much they dread/enjoy talking on the phone
- whether or not they drink coffee
- if they ever forget to eat
- how honest they are with themselves (and others)
- if they correct your grammar
- how they treat their parents